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Being Present is the BEST present

August 13, 2013

How quickly do the days seem to pass when you have a small child? Add a new business into the equation and my hours are flying by at warp speed.

This past Monday we celebrated the first birthday of our little Pickle. MAN what a year it has been. We opened our CrossFit box in the garage of our house 2 months before she was born. One or two clients came semi-regularly and it was a nice little income boost. I still remember when Mia was a few days old and an early riser, Tim getting up every morning just before 6am to open the doors JUST in case we got a client for the 6am classes. More often than not he would be back upstairs to make me a cup of tea by 6:08! But, by the time her 3 week birthday had rolled around, we were consistently getting one or two people into the early WOD, and the afternoon and evening numbers were swelling so much that I needed to start Coaching again!
By November we were spilling out of the garage and had taken over the laundry, as well as having entered teams in two local competitions. We had become a legit box (or as I have always called us “The Little Box That Could”).

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Coming back to Coaching with a little person was not without its challenges. As a rule, she was SO quiet and well behaved, often sleeping in my arms mid session, but it was frustrating when I’d have to disappear upstairs and hand over to Tim mid-session if Pickle decided she wanted to exercise her lungs for no particular reason.
Even more frustrating was having our clientele not take me seriously as a Coach. They would ask me to “ask Tim what I can do to help my pull ups”, or worse, when Tim had to go away on business trip to Hong Kong for a week, I had a client tell me at the end “WOW, you were a much better Coach than I thought you’d be. To be honest I was just not going to come for the week Tim was gone, but thought I’d give you a chance”.
GIVE ME A CHANCE?!!! TIM WAS MY GODDAMN INTERN UNTIL I GOT UP THE DUFF!!!
As annoying as that, was the constant comments (albeit supportive ones) “But you’ve JUST had a baby” or “But you’re a MUMMY now, that’s more important” if I expressed frustration at not being taken seriously as a Coach. As much as I adore being a Mum, and I think it has truly defined who I am, I don’t think being a Mummy is ALL there is to me. And it has been a serious adjustment to me to realize that once people see me with a babe in arms, they automatically think LESS of me.
Well, no, that’s an exaggeration. But the EXPECT less of me.
I’m not expected to be Coaching.
I’m not expected to be training.
Hell, I’m not even expected to get out of my pyjamas in the morning.
And of course, there have been many an occasion when I have taken FULL advantage of that.
But don’t think over those 9 months I carried a child that I forgot how to get the most out of your squat, how to fix the 2nd pull in your clean, or how to kick your ass in 10 minutes.
I am still ALL that and a bag of chips 😉 And those track pants I’m wearing? Yeah. I’ve been wearing them for nigh on 28 hours now.
Mummy AND Coach. I am slowly finding the balance, and now that Pickle is growing, people are beginning to see me more as a real, live, FUNCTIONING HUMAN instead of “JUST” a new Mum.
It’s going to sound awfully spoiled, but I didn’t want people to make excuses for me.

But it is what it is. And it has been what it has been.
Pickle is now a certified gym rat. She crawls around the floors like she owns the place, many of the clients will take baby carrying duty whilst we demo, and life is rolling along just fine. When she starts walking, let’s talk again 😉

My child, as I type this, has climbed up on to the couch, and is swinging between laughing maniacally at me whilst trying to type on the keyboard, to kissing my leg and arm and giving me smoochy cuddles.

And so brings us to the point of this post.

So much of my life revolves around my computer, or my phone. Everything I see, everything my child does, I photograph and IMMEDIATELY document to Facebook. I’m not one of those “I just went to the toilet and then I cooked dinner” kind of posters, but for sure I love to share. So much so that I have noticed at times it has become obsessive. If I have been caught at moments with the baby where she has done something amazing and memorable and I’ve (god forbid) missed it on camera, I’ve felt horrible guilt.
What also gets to me is the MINDLESSNESS when I have always encouraged MINDFULNESS. If the baby is happily playing on her own on the floor, I might flick my phone on to Facebook.
Before I know it 45 minutes have passed. We still go on walks, and read books, and draw and play, but I know I could be doing more. Not just for her, but perhaps for my relationship, my business, and for sure there’s ALWAYS laundry to be folded.
Of course the child is fine and happy and safe and more than entertained (she’s fabulous like that) but I don’t want her to SEE me doing that all the time.
I’m not saying I’m going to turn into a helicopter parent and constantly hover over her and entertain her, but DAMMIT I have a beautiful, bubbly, intelligent child, who at this point is becoming more and more interactive and aware every goddamn second.
Why would I waste one second of that giving a FLYING FUCK about what Johnny had for dinner, or what Sally thinks of Beyonce’s new haircut.

It’s a BAD habit. And I am determined to break it. It’s going to suck.  F.O.M.O. (which I have suffered from since the dawn of time) has been one of the biggest reasons I have stayed so connected, and also, in some of my darker, lonely moments at home with a baby, it has made me feel less alone.
But it’s time to break the chains, and I’m going to do it with a month FACEBOOK FREE (and although I barely use it, Twitter and Instagram free as well!)

Pickle got books, dresses, an easel, paints, CD’s, clay, chalk, crayons…a MILLION things. I decided the best present she can get from me personally, is the gift of my undivided attention, and also my attention towards things that will benefit our family as a whole. From midnight tonight (13th of August) I will be off the grid, so to speak, aside from tending to our business page (a necessity these days!) for 30 days. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but I have a feeling this will be life changing for me.  It’s a little scary…

Perhaps I may find more time to blog?! Watch this space.

* Note to future baby: Thank you Mia Gloria Holdsworth for the most beautiful, challenging, soul searching and enlightening year of my life so far. I am looking forward to getting to know your fabulous little personality even more. Happy Birthday xx

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Lesa permalink
    August 13, 2013 7:43 am

    That’s awesome Jojo!!. You’re an inspiration. Always a pleasure reading what you have to say!
    Keep up the great work! 🙂

    • August 13, 2013 11:34 am

      Thank you, Lesa! From someone whom I find inspiring and positive, that is a fantastic compliment!

  2. Heike permalink
    August 13, 2013 8:34 pm

    I think that’s a wonderful idea and you and your tribe will surely thrive on the “non technology diet”.
    This is very much in line with “simplicity parenting”, which is the one book i wish I had read a lot earlier.
    But of course we will miss all the photos….
    Love from NZ

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