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September 26, 2012

ImageLet me start this post by saying I’m not Supermum. I want it all, but I can’t have it all or do it all. Any first time mother of a newborn you know that tells you that is a LIAR.
If I listened to every other new Mum, I would think that I was doing it all wrong. Their babies don’t cry, they sleep through the night, and their little baby turds smell like roses.
ALRIGHT. Maybe they’re not liars, but they’d have to be the 1 out of 1 SQUILLION with a “perfect” baby and a “perfect” life. For the most part, the first year of motherhood is alleged to be a sleepless blur. I’m inclined to believe that! I think that’s natures way of making us forget how shit a lot of it was so that we go out and do it all again šŸ˜‰

ALRIGHT, alright. It’s not shit. It really is magical how quickly these little creatures grow, and develop, and goddamn it, seeing them give that first TRUE smile (not the “I’m gonna burp or poop” smile) is like nothing else on Earth. It says “Wow, hi Mama. I love you”. It really does! Just thinking about it is making me get a little choked up. But I tell you, right now I am sick. I’ve been sick for two days. Little Princess has also decided to spend the past two days AWAKE. Not a fan of napping, nor sleeping at night. Just staring at me expectantly, or GRUNTING right when I drift off to sleep.
The old Jojo could have turned on the aircon, blacked out the windows and slept it off. New MAMA Jojo has to keep this little human alive, and preferably clean and happy.

NOTE: This is the point where my normally sweet, happy, chilled out bubba started to wail. And developed a fever. And puked on herself. 6 hours later she is finally asleep (after having the aircon on blast, a dose of paracetamol, baby stripped down then swaddled like a hotdog in a bun, a million teary attempts at feeding, and FINALLY, success was being JOLTED around the room to some Paul Simon. Mummy and Baby then got 5 blissful hours of sleep šŸ™‚ TWELVE hours later I am FINALLY finishing this post.

SO, you see what I mean? In the real world, my baby takes precedence over my blog, and always will. I’m more fortunate than most; I have a super supportive family who are on hand if I need them, and best of all, a VERY hands on partner who can capably take baby if I need 5 minutes to myself in the shower (any mother will know what a luxury this is!) or if I need to work out. I also spent years as a newborn Nanny, was raised in a home where Mum did Family Daycare, AND come from a massive family so can change a nappy with my eyes closed, hold a baby with one pinky, and know pretty much every settling technique out šŸ˜‰
I have all of these things to make my job easier, and STILL, the laundry that Tim has so kindly washed and brought upstairs is lying, unfolded, in 2 big baskets by the couch.
I have a pile of paperwork that needs doing that is, at present, blowing around the living room.
My wooden floors are dusty, and I THINK I see a kumara chip under the table that has been there for weeks.
Even though I have a toilet ducky magic thingy in the toilet bowl, and 2 other smelly-nicey things in there, it smells like MAN PEE. Damn CrossFitters stinking up my throne room. I keep reminding myself that I need to purchase and install some next level sweet-smelly-type stuff in there. But I haven’t done it yet.
My recipe plans are on the bench; untold levels of nom-nom potential right there.
And my prison-style pull up plan has only had one day attempted.


You might be surprised to find me bragging, however, about how EASY being a Mum is.
It is once you let go of the fact that you don’t HAVE to be Little Suzy Homemaker with a newborn in your care.
Having a quiet baby doesn’t make you a better Mummy (it makes you a lucky bitch šŸ˜‰
If I see your floors gleaming, baking on the countertop, and a newborn on your boob I think “Man, that chick has some good help!”
It’s EASY to give my little person love, affection, and caring attention, which is all she REALLY needs, for now.

Mummy’s, there’s nothing wrong with being tired. Or letting that pan sit in the sink for another hour. Or enjoying the 5 minutes you have to yourself whilst someone else holds the bubba.
Don’t feel guilty that you didn’t think of baby during that hour of grown up conversation with your lover over dinner whilst Nana took your munchkin.
What’s wrong is thinking people expect you to be Supermum.
They don’t. YOU do.
(PS if anybody DOES, you tell em to go get f*cked, and point em out to Jo Mama! I’ll see to em!)
If you need help, or just someone to talk newborns, nappies, and nipples with, know there’s at least one other REAL Mama in the same boat as you.

In the meantime, if you still have some chili left (and hopefully you froze it, cos that stuff has probably gone bad, since I promised you a recipe a week ago!) make THIS

Stuffed Capsicum

Get yourself a couple of big fat capsicums.
Chop off the top and hollow out. Slice a little off the bottom so they sit flat on your tray.

Portion out some leftover chili. To this I added nutmeg, sumac and all spice.
Whack it in your capsicums. If you like, sprinkle a little nut meal on top, and bake in the oven until your caps have softened.

Because I’m not Supermum, I won’t lie and say that I made the Cauliflower Pilaf I had INTENDED to make. If I did, this is how I would have done it

Chop up a head of cauliflower VERY finely, or use a blender to chop into a rice-like consistency.
Stir fry briefly in a pan with some cumin seeds, garlic, and tumeric. Sprinkle through some pistachios.
Serve under your delicious capsicums.
OH YES, it IS that easy (well, that is, if you don’t have a newborn who needs to be fed, and it’s not Arsenic Hour)

NOW If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to put my feet up with a cup of tea (after I run in and put my face really close to my baby, JUST to make SURE she’s still breathing… šŸ˜‰

* Mum joke


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